The Book That Saved the Earth

Scene 1 — The Historian sets the stage

The play opens in the Museum of Ancient History in the year 2492. A Historian welcomes the audience and tells us she will narrate the most important event in Earth’s history. She explains that in the twentieth century people called Earthlings began making strange flat objects called “books.” Books, she says, were not used the way the Martians later imagined — they were not eaten, not worn as hats, and not used for communication by ear. The Historian then dims the lights and takes us back to the year 2040, to a Martian Space Control room, to show how a single book once saved our planet from invasion.

Scene 2 — Think-Tank and the mysterious sandwich

On Mars, the proud and foolish commander Think-Tank is waited upon by his eager apprentice Noodle. Think-Tank, who is conceited and believes himself the “most brilliant creature in the universe,” has ordered his invasion crew — Captain Omega, Lieutenant Iota and Sergeant Oop — to land on Earth and report. They land inside a building filled with rows of books (a library). Think-Tank, never having seen a book, confidently announces that these objects must be sandwiches — Earth’s food. Obedient Oop takes a bite and finds it dry and tasteless. Noodle gently suggests (always politely, never contradicting his boss) that perhaps the objects are not food.

Scene 3 — From hats to communication

Think-Tank instantly “corrects” himself: the books must be hats, so Oop puts one on his head — it does not fit. Then Think-Tank decides they must be communication devices meant to be listened to, so Oop holds a book to his ear — silence. Every one of Think-Tank’s grand guesses is wrong, but Noodle cleverly leads him toward the truth. At last Noodle hints that the marks inside might be meant for the eyes, and that Earthlings may have opened books and looked at them. Think-Tank claims this brilliant idea as his own and orders Oop to swallow a “vitamin” (a vitamin enriched with the wisdom of the centuries) so he can read.

Scene 4 — Misreading Mother Goose

Oop opens the book — it happens to be Mother Goose, a collection of children’s nursery rhymes — and reads aloud. The Martians, taking everything literally, completely misunderstand the simple rhymes. The line “Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon…” terrifies Think-Tank: he believes Earthlings have trained their cows to jump over planets, including Mars! The rhyme “Humpty Dumpty” convinces him that the Earthlings are mobilising to push the Martians off their walls. Worst of all is “Mistress Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells, and pretty maids all in a row” — Think-Tank decides this is a coded plan to grow giant guards and weapons.

Scene 5 — The retreat and the lesson

Now thoroughly frightened, the cowardly Think-Tank concludes that Earthlings are dangerously advanced and powerful. He orders the entire crew to evacuate Earth at once and even decides to leave the solar system entirely. Back in the museum of 2492, the Historian reveals the happy outcome: because of this misunderstanding, Mars never attacked Earth again. Years later the two planets became friends, and to honour the book, Noodle — now grown up — was made the new commander, while Think-Tank was demoted. Thus a humble book of nursery rhymes, never meant to be a weapon, ended up saving the entire Earth.

Character notes

Think-Tank: arrogant, foolish, cowardly and vain — he loves flattery and always claims others’ ideas as his own. Noodle: intelligent, tactful and humble — he is the real brain, but he wisely flatters his boss instead of openly correcting him. Oop, Omega, Iota: obedient crew members who carry out orders literally, providing much of the comedy.